Miami lawmaker blasts Kardashians’ visit to Havana: ‘Cubans are suffering enough’

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Fox News Latino– Their faces are amply made up and their nails long and polished. They’re puffing on Cuban stogies. It was all in a photograph posted on Instagram showing the Kardashians on the long-forbidden island-nation of Cuba, the new de-rigueur vacation stop for Hollywood celebs.

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Rep. Ileana Ros-Lehtinen, a South Florida Republican of Cuban descent, assailed the sisters’ visit to Cuba. “I know it’s cool for celebrities to go to Cuba, but the Cuban people don’t experience the glamorous Havana that is featured on social media,” Ros-Lehtinen told People Magazine. “Far from photo shoots and fruity drinks, everyday Cubans experience a different, sad reality.” “Now, the Kardashians are parachuting into the island to tape their vapid TV show,” she said. “Haven’t the Cuban people suffered enough?”

Now, I know a lot of people aren’t fans of the United States moving towards opening up relations with Cuba. But if they’re going to take the Kardashian clan off of our hands, I think it is an overall fair trade. Its only fair that the Cubans get a sense of true American life by having Kim K’s ass shoved into your face throughout all media outlets at all time. I almost feel bad for the Cuban’s, having to go from dictator Castro to an ever more despicable Kardashian Krew. I also love how Representative Ros-Lehtinen just shoves the Kardashains right in a locker with “far from photo shoots and fruity drinks, everyday Cubans experience a different, sad reality”. Like how do you bounce back from that if your Kim K and Kanye. Actually, I don’t think they really care at all. What could possibly be next for Cuba, sending over the US President or something? Sad!

-KJ

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In the Least Surprising News of the Day, Handless Russian Piano Prodigy Becomes Sensation

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The Guardian– Teenager Alexey Romanov has become a promising piano player despite a debilitating illness that has deprived him of his fingers since birth.Sixteen-year-old prodigy Romanov from Zelenodolsk, a village in the Republic of Tatarstan, first took up music two years ago after being inspired by the works of Mozart and Vivaldi.

In the short time since he has performed for the republic’s orchestra and has found fame on national TV. Romanov’s music teacher at a specialist school for children with disabilities helped him get started, beginning with the melodies from films including vampire series Twilight and 1990s Hollywood blockbuster Titanic, both popular in RussiaHe credits two friends for teaching him the basics of music and how to read notes. “They still help me. They send me sheet music, which I study and if I like something, I let it settle inside me,” he said.

Classic Russian move here having a classical piano sensation with no hands. When I first read this headline my initial reaction was “Of course Russia has a piano prodigy with no hands”. I mean after the story last month where the entire Russian U-18 hockey team was suspended for doping and they had to send out there U-17 team to replace them, I didn’t even think twice about this headline.

The only question is why does this kid have no hands? I know this isn’t Soviet Russia, and I know it clearly states in the article that he was born with a disability, but don’t sleep on the fact that Putin and his cronies may have had a hand in this matter. This kid may have wanted to go outside one day instead of practicing piano and his parents may not have approved. Who knows these days. All I know is that the kid has a great musical touch.

 

-KJ

Internet Comment of the Week: Universities are Brothels and Athletes are Prostitutes

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Interesting take coming out of the Manziel New York Times article this week highlighting the rise and fall of Mr. Juanny Football. Kerry from Florida (Surprising) starts off her take pretty well assuming that young teenage boys (and some girls, not sexist or anything) view education as a significant burden on them. And to be fair, making an athlete go to class like they get paid to do so or something is a significant burden on their athletic careers. Without question, if NCAA football players were able to practice 24/7 without having to go to their African-American gender studies safe-space class they would have a better than 1.6% chance of getting to the NFL.

Where the take starts to get ultra hot is when Kerry from Flordia starts ranting about universities being brothels. She is flat our wrong because I know my university was in fact not a brothel, or at least not based on my sexual activity over the four years there. It is true though that the best schools with the best athletes get the most students. Take Alabama for example. The football prostitutes over in Tuscaloosa were top of the nation this year, and Alabama’s over 50% acceptance rates confirms they get the most students. Case closed. It simply comes down to Kerry from Florida caring way too much about the prestigious university and wishing to preserve the sanctity of NCAA sports. Shame on these prostitutes for ruining what Mark Emmert has worked extremely hard to put together.

-KJ

 

Engineers Develop Handheld Marijuana Breathalyzer, Stoners Passively Lament Between Bong Rips

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Montreal Gazette– Engineers developing a breath-based ketone sampler for diabetics have switched gears to produce a hand-held marijuana breath analyzer just as our federal government begins to explore legalization.

The device — about the size of two fingers — is a Bluetooth-enabled breathalyzer that uses microfluidic technology and a selective gas sensor to detect tetrahydrocannabinol, the psychoactive ingredient in marijuana. The THC levels in a sample can be analyzed within seconds and the results delivered to a smartphone.

The gas sensor at the end of the channel measures the levels of THC in the sample with a high degree of accuracy, even if the person has also consumed alcohol. The device functions accurately over a wide range of temperature and humidity, a shortcoming of other breath analyzers.

Stunning news out of Canada this morning. Is nothing sacred anymore? Engineers have now developed gas sensors to measure THC levels in a human body, even in the presence of alcohol. What a time to be alive? This can’t be good news for my friend who thinks he drives better while high (I think every stoner I have ever met has said this to me). It is only a matter of time before cops are carrying around these bad boys all over deeply-forested areas next to universities and the majority of Colorado.

On the other hand, this could be one of, if not the greatest invention of the 21st century. Do you know in college when your buddies would drink a couple 4-lokos and attempt to blow the highest BAC into a breathlyzer, even though they drank about 0.69 seconds beforehand and thus the reading was always way too high? I could see this happening ten-fold with weed smokers. Guys ripping bong hits left and right to see how high of a THC level they could get to would be funny stuff, considering they will probably fall asleep or go make some food before they even remember what they were attempting to do. It’s a shame these devices are coming out at the height of marijuana legalization, because the governments are going to look to replace those lost schedule one drug charge penalties in any way they can. If I was a gambling man (which I am), I’m placing my bets on a huge increase in DW-Highs over the next few years.

-KJ

Manchester Marathon is Mistakenly 380m Too Short, and We Should Take Away the Medals

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BBC Sports– Three years of Greater Manchester Marathon times have been declared invalid after the course was found to be 380m too short.The mistake, caused by a measuring error, affects about 24,000 runners who competed in 2013, 2014 and 2015.

UK Athletics will not now recognise times from those races, but the error was corrected in time for this year’s marathon, which was held on 10 April. A true marathon distance is 26 miles and 385 yards.

The Association of UK Course Measurers (AUKCM) said an accredited measurer had ridden the course in 2013 but indicated there had been an error in the calibration of the bicycle wheel. The organisation said it regretted the mistake and the effect it has on runners’ times.

Listen, as a marathon runner myself (humble brag city), nothing is harder than those last 380 meters of a race. However, watching some of these running hardos train all there lives just to fall flat on their face after mile 26 is laugh out loud funny. As we discussed last week in the Boston Marathon, getting carried over the finish line shouldn’t count as finishing the race. Therefore, anyone who has run in this marathon over the last three years should not count their results either. Anyone can run 26 miles, but 26.2 miles is something else. I’m sure records were broken in those races and personal achievements were set,  but a marathon is a marathon and rules are rules. In fact, I think we need to take this a step further and take away the medals from these finishers. Medals are for true marathon runners, simple as that. Although on second thought, taking away the medals from these “athletes” might just be worse than the physical pain of actually running the damn race…

 

-KJ

“Dead Official” Appointed to Officiate Soccer Game in Nigeria

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BBC– Nigerian football’s crisis has taken a bizarre twist with an attempt to appoint a dead referee for Sunday’s match between Warri Wolves and Giwa FC.It comes as Chris Giwa continues to challenge Nigerian Football Federation president Amaju Pinnick.

A Nigerian court has ruled Giwa should replace the Fifa-recognised Pinnick and in a move to wrest control he has named the weekend’s top-flight officials.However, among those selected is Wale Akinsanya, who died in January.Giwa’s NFF rival group sent notice of its actions to the chief operation officer of the league management company on Wednesday.

It has raised the possibility that two sets of match officials – those appointed by Giwa’s group and those appointed by the NFF – could turn up for the fixtures.

Listen, I know this is expected out of a country like Nigeria, but it is still hilarious to know that a dude who died in January was named the top official for a game this weekend in APRIL. Like yea, maybe the mail system takes a month or two in Nigeria (what mail system?) and the office didn’t get his letter of resignation, but a full three months after is just unacceptable even for those standards.

On second thought, I’m actually a licensed soccer official out here on Long Island (Yea nbd but kbd) and this stuff is expected out of the league offices even here in the US. The system they use in my location is literally out of the 90’s, and I’m surprised I am even able to get games every week. If I were to die, I think it would actually take even longer than three months for the league office to find out and stop assigning me games. Therefore, I think I have to actually change my mind and give Nigeria a pass here. Classic FIFA move too at the end there stating that the court system has to get involved in the removal of a referee from a random Nigerian soccer game. Two referees are now being appointed to the game, which I guess is slightly better than one dead guy?  FIFA at it again.

-KJ

Ben Carson wants Tubman on the $2 Bill, Says Andrew Jackson was a Tremendous President

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CNN-  Former presidential candidate Ben Carson disagrees with the plan to put Harriet Tubman on the $20 bill, and on Wednesday suggested another note for her: the $2 bill.

“I love Harriet Tubman,” the former GOP White House hopeful told Fox Business Network’s Neil Cavuto. “I love what she did, but we can find another way to honor her. Maybe a $2 bill.”
“Andrew Jackson … was a tremendous president,” Carson told Cavuto. “I mean, Andrew Jackson was the last president who actually balanced the federal budget, where we had no national debt.”
Thomas Jefferson currently resides on the $2 bill, which is seldom used in circulation. Carson didn’t discuss what should be done with the existing design of the $2 bill.
Hilarious move here by Ben Carson to attempt to remain relevant. The first thing I thought of yesterday after they announced the news that Harriet Tubman was moving onto the twenty dollar bill was, “Damn what does Carson have to say about this” followed by “Is Trump seriously considering anti-vax Doctor Carson for a VP spot?” I can’t hate the guy for using his ten minutes of fame to remain in the national spotlight heading into the June Republican Delegation, but maybe CNN should be focusing on other important issues at hand such as candidates that are actually still in the running for president (or Baby Dolphins giving birth caught on video, which I guess is a top headline right now on CNN).
On another note, Carson mentioning that Andrew Jackson was a “tremendous president” who was the last to balance a federal budget is a pretty hilarious statement after reading this CNN article fact checking the last balanced budget to Bill Clinton in 2001. I guess he also misremembered the “Trail of Tears” and other debacles of the Jackson presidency, but we’ll let it slide. The dude says he really likes Tubman but just wants her to be represented on the $2 bill. I can’t remember the last time I’ve had a two dollar bill in my hands, but I can say the same about a woman as well. In fact, this is a perfect idea. Carson is the gift that keeps on giving.
-KJ